Voice in my Head
by jellykitty
Summary: Harry hears a voice at night. Whose voice could it be?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **i do not own any of the characters or places in this story.

**A/N: **This is my first attempt at a Harry/Tonks fic, I hope you enjoy it.

Harry awoke with a start. Cold sweat ran down his face and his scar prickled. He reached over to the table beside his bed to retrieve his glasses. He put them on and looked at the clock. The big red numbers read 11:50 pm. In ten minutes it would be his birthday. Harry never liked his birthdays. He hoped that his friends at the Burrow would come and rescue him again, like they had in years past, but with the previous year's events, he wasn't expecting much. Harry glanced back over at the clock. The big red numbers now read 12:00 am. It was July 31 again.

'Happy birthday, Harry.' A voice in his head said to him. It was a cool, calming voice. One that he had heard many times since his experience in the Department of Mysteries. It was a woman's voice, but he wasn't sure whose. All Harry knew was that her's was the only voice that would calm his nightmares at night. Well...most nights. Tonight Harry was plagued by nightmares of his godfather's death. The voice never calmed him. Harry lay back down on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. Whose voice was it that soothed him so many nights? With that question fresh in his mind, Harry slowly succumb to sleep once again.

'It's all right, Harry. It's only a nightmare, just a dream. Don't worry, Harry. Harry.' Harry slowly began to wake up from his nightmare. He became aware of someone calling his name.

"HARRY! Oh, where is that bloody boy?! BOY GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE OUR BREAKFAST!!" Harry rolled over in his bed and stared at the clock. It was 8:30 in the morning. The Dursleys were all downstairs waiting for their breakfast to be made.

'Get your own bloody breakfast for once and just leave me alone!' Harry thought to himself. He slowly climbed out of bed and changed out of his nightshirt and pants and into his over-sized, hand-me-down clothes. When Harry walked downstairs and into the kitchen, Uncle Vernon was hidden behind a newspaper, Dudley was watching the television, and Aunt Petunia was pining over her "sweet little Duddy-kins".

"It's about time you showed up! Poor Dudley's been waiting! Now hurry up and make breakfast." Petunia ordered him. Harry made a b-line to the toaster and popped in a few slices of bread. A few minutes later the toast popped up and Harry put the slices on a plate, buttered them, took the jelly out of the refrigerator, and set the plate on the table with a couple of knives. Taking a slice for himself, Harry left the kitchen and returned to his room.

Most of Harry's summer had been spent in his room. Uncle Vernon had given him permission to send letters to his friends, only because Hedwig would make a racket if Harry let her out of her cage without a letter to deliver (that and Vernon had been previously threatened by members of the Order if they did not receive a letter from Harry). In Ron's last letter, he said that Hermione was staying the summer with the Weasleys. Harry longed to be there with them. He hadn't heard from Dumbledore or anyone from the Order, so he had no idea what was going on with Voldemort. Just as Harry began to get lost in thought, three large, feathered creatures flew in through his open window. One was Hedwig, who perched on Harry's arm. Another was a small owl that continued to flutter around Harry's head.

"Calm down, Pig." Harry plucked the little bird out of the air and untied the letter attached to his leg. The third owl landed softly on Harry's bed. It had a letter attached to its leg as well. Hedwig dropped a small package in his lap. He first opened the letter Pig had delivered (mostly because the annoying bird was fluttering around Harry's head, waiting for a response).

'Dear Harry,

Happy Birthday, mate! I'm sorry you can't be here, but Dad says it's too dangerous, what with You-Know-Who about. Not much is happening around here. Fred and George some how got the money to open up their joke shop. 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes'! Mum yelled so loud, I'm surprised you didn't hear it!

Well, that's all from this end. I hope the rest of your summer goes well, and I'll try and see if Mum and Dad will let you come stay with us.

Ron 

P.S. Mum was worried the Muggles weren't feeding you well, so she sent food with Hedwig.'

Harry glanced at the package Hedwig had dropped and wondered what was inside of it. Harry's appetite had disappeared over the summer with the death of his godfather having only been weeks ago. Harry picked up the package and opened it. Inside was a birthday cake that read "Happy Birthday, Harry!" on it in big gold letters that showed brightly against the red frosting. Harry set the cake aside and went to his desk and pulled out a piece of parchment, a quill, and some ink to reply to Ron's letter.

'Dear Ron,

Thanks for the cake. I'll have to hide it from Dudley, though. He can smell food from a mile away. That's great about Fred and George, I'm glad they could realize their dream. I wish I could be there as well. I wonder if Dumbledore would even let me if you offered. Ask your parents again, and let me know what they say. If I do end up here for the rest of summer, I'll see you in Diagon Alley. Have you asked Hermione about what we talked about yet? Let me know what you decide. Enjoy your summer, and I hope to see you soon.

Harry'

Harry attached the letter to Pig's leg who fluttered around the room a few more times then out the window. Harry looked at his other letter with a bit less rush than he had felt with Ron's. He picked up the letter and opened it.

'Dear Harry,

Happy Birthday! I realize I haven't kept in touch, and I apologize. I've been a bit busy with things at the Order. I do have good news, though. Dumbledore has decided that you are much safer at Headquarters. Myself and one other Order member will arrive at your Aunt and Uncle's to pick you up on Sunday, August 1. I will be sending an owl to the Weasley's as well, inviting them to stay for the summer. Can't wait to see you.

Moony'' 

Harry took a moment to register what he had read. He was going to be leaving the Dursley's. At that moment another owl flew through his window and landed on his bed. He untied the letter and watched the bird fly back out his open window. Harry opened the letter and began reading.

'Harry,

Did you get a letter from Professor Lupin? We're all going to stay at Grimmauld Place! Hermione says she can't wait to see you.

Ron'

Harry folded up the note and looked around his room. The owl that had delivered Lupin's letter ruffled it's feathers and took off through his open window. Harry looked around his mess of a room. Clothes were everywhere; books lay open on every flat surface, quills and empty inkbottles littered the floor. Harry got up and quickly began to tidy up his room so that he could pack to leave the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own anything

Harry awoke the next morning after having a rather peaceful night's sleep. He retrieved his glasses from the bedside table and put them on. The clock next to his bed said 8:30 am. Harry jumped out of bed and got dressed very quickly. He ran downstairs and into the kitchen where Vernon was barely hidden behind a newspaper, Dudley had taken his spot in front of the TV and Petunia was looking rather impatient.

"Toast, boy? What do you think you were playing at! Dudley is a growing boy, he can't live on toast and jelly alone!" Petunia nagged as Harry opened the refrigerator and pulled out about 10 eggs. Harry paused for a moment, still bent over in the refrigerator. He shoved the eggs back onto the shelf, as half of them spilled back out onto the floor, and turned to stare Petunia square in the face.

"Growing boy? From the looks of it, he's grown twice as much as a normal person! It would do him some good to cook his own breakfast for once. Sweat off some of that fat you think is muscle! Oh and by the way, maybe you should look into where your sweet baby Duddy-kins goes every evening. I promise it's not to Piers for a cup of tea!" With that, Harry slammed the refrigerator door shut, and stormed out of the kitchen. Vernon and Petunia stared after him in shock of what he had said about Dudley. Both their heads slowly turned toward Dudley, who stared at his parents in wide-eyed amazement.

Harry opened the door to his bedroom and went over to his trunk. He haphazardly threw his belongings in, just wanting to get it done and out of this horrible place. After he had done a last scan of his room to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything, he closed his trunk and locked it. Just as he had done this, Harry heard a knock on the front door. He went to the top of the stairs as he heard Uncle Vernon get up and waddle to the door. Harry couldn't see who was on the other side of the door when Vernon opened it.

"Good morning, Mr. Dursley. We're here for Harry." Came a male voice from the other side of the door. There was a long silence as Vernon stood at the door staring at the strangers in front of him. He slowly swung the door all the way open, revealing the stairs to the two strangers. The man smiled and nodded his thanks to Vernon and entered the house and walked over to the stairs. A large grin crept across Harry's face for the first time in months as his eyes laid on his dear friends Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. Remus and Tonks looked up from the bottom of the stairs and both smiled at Harry.

"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks said smiling. Harry smiled back at her.

"Hey, Tonks, Professor Lupin." They both began climbing the stairs. Harry moved out of the way and led them both into his room.

"So are you all packed?" Tonks asked looking around his room, and finding the mirror inside his closet door. She examined her bright blue shoulder length hair, which then turned into a short, spiky acid green do. Harry nodded, which Tonks caught in the mirror.

"Excellent. Let's just get your stuff and we'll be out of here!" Remus said with a smile. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry's trunk. It shrunk to the size of a game piece, and he placed it in his pocket. He then moved over to Hedwig's empty cage and shrunk it as well. Tonks walked over to the chest Hedwig's cage was on and unfastened the silver chain around her neck, and adding Hedwig's cage to it as if it were a pendent, and refastened the chain.

"How are we getting there?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore's set up a portkey that's going to take us just outside of headquarters." Remus laughed at the expression of pure dread on Harry's face. Harry hated portkeys.

Harry, Tonks, and Remus landed about a block away from #12 Grimmauld Place. They began walking in the direction of Headquarters in silence.

So Harry, anything new with you since the summer began?" Tonks piped up as they walked poignantly toward the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

"Nope, nothing apart from being locked in my room 'most all of the time till this morning" He replied. They reached the front door of #12 Grimmauld Place and Harry's mind was flooded with memories from just one year ago when he first arrived at his late godfather's home. Any happiness Harry had felt leaving the Dursley's was now gone and replaced with anger and sadness.

'What were they thinking bringing me here? This isn't just Headquarters! This was Sirius's home. Did they think this was going to make me happy?' Harry thought to himself as Remus knocked on the door. A small hole in the door opened and Harry could see an eye peaking through it. They heard the sounds of locks being undone and the door swung open. Molly Weasley stood before them beaming. She ushered the three travelers inside, while holding her finger to her lips, asking them to be quiet. The three entered the house and Molly shut the door. Molly led the way out of the now very loud hallway (Tonks had tripped over the umbrella stand, cursing loudly, which woke the painting of Sirius's mother on the wall). Ron and Hermione came wheeling around the corner to see what all the noise was.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, throwing her arms around Harry's neck. Harry smiled and returned the embrace. Tonks looked away from her task of helping Remus and Molly pull the curtains over Mrs. Black at Harry and Hermione hugging. Her smile immediately turned to a frown.

'What's wrong with me? I should be happy for him; he hasn't seen her all summer. He must have been so lonely. Why, then, am I not happy that Harry's reunited with his friends? Am I jealous? No. I couldn't be jealous. What's there to be jealous about?' Tonks thought to herself.

'Perhaps, you would rather be the one Harry has his arms wrapped around.' A voice answered back.

'Don't be silly! He's just a boy. Granted, only five years younger than me, but still. I couldn't be jealous.' Tonks felt a jolt in her stomach as she saw Hermione kiss Harry on the cheek. 'Oh my God! I am jealous!' Tonks quickly turned away from the three students and jumped back in to help Molly and Remus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I haven't owned anything for the last two chapters, what makes you think I'm going to start now?

Dinner that night was a much happier event for Harry than his arrival was. Molly had decided to throw Harry a celebration for his 16th birthday. Many people had attended. The entire Weasley family, except for Percy, was there, including Bill and Charley. Mad-Eye Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Tonks, Remus, and Hermione were there as well. Dinner was buzzing with conversation. Everyone was laughing and enjoying each other's company, and, for the moment, not one soul was missing Sirius. Harry was talking animatedly with Ginny and Fred about Quidditch. Harry took a look around the table and spotted Tonks at the other end laughing loudly at a story Arthur Weasley was telling about a wizard the ministry had just hired and was sent to deal with a rather "excited" hippogriff. Tonks was nearly rolling off her seat. Harry couldn't take his eyes off her. Her radiant smile was mesmerizing.

'Wow. She's really pretty.' Harry thought to himself. 'Why didn't I notice that before? I wonder if she's seeing anyone. What am I saying?! She'd never go for someone like me; I'm much too young. And besides, what would a beautiful woman like her want with a brooding, scrawny teenager with glasses?' Harry quickly dismissed the idea, but kept sneaking glances in Tonks' direction for the rest of the meal. During the course of the night, many Order members dropped by to welcome Harry back. Even Professor Snape dropped by, but not to wish Harry a happy birthday. He spoke with Dumbledore (who had shown up some time after dinner) to ask about Order business.

Everyone finally began to feel tired around 1:00 in the morning. They all headed up the stairs and into their separate rooms. Harry and Ron shared a room, as well as Fred and George, Ginny and Hermione, and Arthur and Molly. Bill and Charley left after dinner, needing to get back to work ASAP. Tonks and Remus each had there own rooms. Harry sat up in bed thinking about the day's events. Ron had gone down the hallway to the bathroom, so he was alone. Harry began to slowly dose off, when suddenly he heard a soft pop and felt something rather heavy drop on to his lap.

"OW!" he yelled. His eyes shot open and he looked up to see the blurry form of an attractive young woman on his lap. He reached for his glasses and put them on. "Tonks!" he exclaimed.

"Oh. Hello Harry. I must have apparated into the wrong room." She said.

"That's ok." Harry replied with a smile. Tonks smiled back and they sat in silence for only a few seconds, which felt like hours, when Tonks realized that she was getting too comfortable and flew off Harry's lap. Her cheeks went slightly pink.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I should be getting up to bed." Choosing not to apparate, Harry watched as Tonks walked out of the room, tripping on the rug in the hallway, then getting up claiming that she was fine, and walked away.

'Why did I do that?' she thought to herself as she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. 'He must think I'm such a clumsy idiot. What am I talking about? He already thinks I'm a clumsy idiot. Ok, so maybe not an idiot, but definitely clumsy. Oh who am I kidding? He doesn't think of me like that anyway!' Tonks continued this train of thought until she finally fell asleep.

'It's only a dream, Harry.' The soothing voice whispered to Harry as he tossed and turned in his sleep. 'Everything's going to be all right. Don't worry, it's only a dream. Shhh.'

"Tonks." Harry whispered in his sleep, as his nightmare finally subsided and Harry was met with a deep, dreamless sleep the rest of the night.

The next morning, Harry awoke to someone shaking him by the shoulder.

"Harry. Harry, wake up." Harry slowly opened his eyes and rolled over to find his glasses. He put them on and looked up at Ron staring him straight in the face.

"What time is it?" Harry asked.

"It's almost 10:00. Mum told me to get you up, otherwise you would've slept all day." It was true. Harry felt like he could have easily slept several more hours. All of his sleepless nights at the Dursley's must have finally caught up with him. Harry sat up in bed and Ron walked over and sat on his own. "You have another one of those dreams last night, mate?" Ron asked. Harry nodded.

"How did you know?" He asked, with only slight curiosity. Harry knew that he tossed and spoke in his sleep.

"You woke me up tossing and turning. Then, just before you fell back asleep, you whispered Tonks' name. What was that about?" Ron asked. Harry's eyes grew large and his cheeks red. Had he really said Tonks' name aloud?

"I have no idea." Harry lied. Ron got up and walked over to the door.

"Well then, why don't you get dressed and meet everyone downstairs for breakfast. Mum's making eggs, bacon, and toast. You look like you could do with a few more square meals." Ron left the room, shutting the door behind him. Harry got up and began to get dressed, all the while thinking about why he had said Tonks' name in his sleep.

'Do I have a crush on Tonks? I do. Great. That's all I need. I hope she doesn't find out. She'd probably just laugh and say 'Aw how adorable! Ickle Harry has a crush on me!' and pinch my cheek or something.' Harry rolled his eyes at himself. He looked at himself in the mirror and began trying to absent-mindedly flatten his hair. 'What's wrong with me? I know it won't do any good. I just want to look good when I go down.'

'Why? To her, your still just Harry Potter, the 16-year-old boy she's meant to protect. What difference does it make to her whether or not your hair sits flat? She's never minded before.' Harry reasoned with himself. He gave up trying to make his hair look presentable and headed downstairs for breakfast. He sat down at the table, which was considerably less crowded than it had been the previous night. Arthur had already left for the ministry and Fred and George had left to open up shop. All that was left was himself, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Molly, Tonks, and Remus. Harry sat in silence, listening to Ron, Ginny, and Hermione talk about visiting Diagon Alley. His attention was suddenly turned to the person who had just sat down next to him. Harry turned to look and found a pair of bright blue eyes staring back at him through fiery red bangs.

"Morning Harry! Sorry about last night, landing on you like that. I must have been a bit tipsy. Hope I didn't hurt you too bad." Tonks apologized. Harry literally had to tear his gaze away from her beautiful eyes and was immediately brought back to reality.

"Oh, not at all." Harry's heart raced. He was so nervous all of a sudden.

'She sat next to me!' Harry thought. 'Me! I can't believe it' His more reasonable mind tried to argue that it wasn't that big of a deal, but Harry just wouldn't listen. Harry and Tonks spent the rest of the morning talking about all kinds of different things. The new broom that had just come out, what it's like being an Auror, learning to be a metamorphmagus, Occlumency lessons (which Dumbledore had decided the previous night would be continued with Tonks, rather than Professor Snape, much to Harry's relief). Though Harry was a little nervous, he found that Tonks was very easy to talk to and enjoyed her company very much.

'He's so mature for his age. Once Quidditch season starts again, he's going to have such a great body. He's so easy to talk to.' Tonks thought to herself. Harry and Tonks remained at the table, long after the rest had left, and talked away the afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own anything...

The next day, by Professor Dumbledore's written suggestion, Occlumency training began again with Harry and Tonks. They chose to use a room that was on the top floor, away from where everyone else went about their business, to keep distractions out. Harry followed Tonks through the door, trying hard, but failing miserably, to keep his eyes on the back of Tonks' head and not on her skin tight pants that left NOTHING to the imagination. He turned and shut the door behind him. Tonks spun around on the spot, pulling out her wand.

"_Legilimens!_" she yelled. Without warning, Harry's mind became flooded with memories. But it wasn't as miserable of an experience as it had been with Snape. The memories weren't bad. Harry tried to push Tonks out of his mind, and managed to after a fairly long period of time.

"Well, you did it. We're just going to have to work on being prepared for it." Tonks said. Harry nodded, but something was bothering him.

"Tonks, how come you only went through my good memories?" He asked.

"Well, it partly has to do with how powerful the witch or wizard who is casting the spell is. A less powerful witch or wizard would only be able to sift through good memories, since the receiver of the spell doesn't reject them normally. A more powerful wizard would be able to choose whether or not they wish to see good or bad memories." Tonks explained.

"So, which one are you?" Harry asked. Tonks smiled.

"I can choose which memories I see. I'm just that talented." She said with a smile. Harry suddenly got an idea.

"What if the receiver wants you to see something? Will you see it?" He asked. Tonks looked at him curiously, but decided that it was a legitimate question.

"Yeah, I suppose so." Deciding to shrug off the curiosity about Harry's question, Tonks raised her wand. "Lets try this again, with some warning. Try your best to block me this time." Harry nodded. "_Legilimens!_" she yelled again. Harry managed to block her this time, but let her in nonetheless. Tonks' heart raced as Harry allowed her to see something she never thought she would. Broken flashes of her and Harry began to go through her mind. To her knowledge, though, none of the memories ever actually happened. His mind finally settled on one thought.

Harry and Tonks stood facing each other. Harry's heart was racing and Tonks' breathing was coming in short gasps. Harry began to move closer and closer to Tonks until they were inches from each other. Tonks looked down at her feet as Harry brought his hands up to cup her chin. He gently raised her head so that they were staring each other in the eye. Harry leaned down and gently kissed her on the lips. Tonks then raised her arms and pulled Harry closer to her and deepened the kiss.

Suddenly Tonks saw herself and Harry groping each other, and then they were on the bed, naked, under the covers. Tonks broke the connection between her and Harry and looked at him. Her breath was short and quick. Harry began to move closer and closer to her, taking her head in his hands and landing a gentle, lingering kiss on her lips. Tonks realized that Harry had planned that and broke the kiss.

"Harry..." she whispered. Harry ignored her and kissed her again. Tonks didn't return the kiss and pushed Harry away. "Harry, we can't!" she said. Harry looked at her and was overwhelmed by embarrassment.

"I'm so stupid! I should have known you wouldn't have felt that way about me! What was I thinking?" he said. He walked over to the couch that was in the room and sat on it, sending dust flying from the cushion.

"Harry, it's not that." Tonks' words fell on deaf ears. Harry leaned forward and buried his head in his hands.

"You must think I'm really ridiculous now. Some silly little boy with a crush." He said, half to himself and half to Tonks. Tonks walked over and sat down next to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and made him sit up and look at her. Harry looked Tonks straight in the eye. The pain and humiliation was apparent to Tonks in his, and she suddenly felt a very strong desire to hold him in her arms and never let go. Harry began to blush and looked away. Tonks tightened her grip around his waist and pulled him towards her. For the third time in the last five minutes, their lips locked, but this time, it was Tonks making the move.

Harry's hands made their way to Tonks' waist. Tonks raised her hands and began slowly running them through his messy hair. Harry gently laid Tonks down on the couch so that he was on top of her. Harry was lost in such a state of bliss that nothing could have made him unhappy. He had wanted this ever since Tonks and Remus showed up at the Dursleys. He was the happiest he had been in months.

Tonks was slightly less captivated. While the majority of her mind was enjoying the kissing and touching immensely, a small voice in the back of her head told her it was wrong. 'You know this is wrong! He's so much younger than you! It'll never – my god he's a good kisser!' All thoughts were drowned out, though, as Harry slipped his hands under Tonks' skintight shirt and began playing with the clasp of her bra. The warm touch of his hands on her bare skin sent chills up her spine.

Some time later, Harry and Tonks lay motionless on the floor. Various articles of clothing were thrown around the room. Harry was lying on his back, one arm playing with Tonks' hair, the other resting on her arm. Tonks was lying with her head on his shoulder and her arm across his chest. They had been lying there for quite some time, neither wanting to move from the other's presence.

Tonks was deep in thought. What had she just done? She just had sex with a student! Of course he wasn't her student. And she wasn't a teacher. 5 years isn't all that bad, is it?

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked. Tonks sighed.

"I'm trying to work out what just happened. What did just happen?" she asked him.

"Well, I think we just had sex." Harry said sarcastically.

"Thank you captain obvious! That's not what I meant. How long have you wanted to do this?" she asked him, remembering that he had made the first move. Harry thought about his answer for a moment.

"Ever since I saw you at the Dursley's a few days ago. You were so beautiful." He said. Tonks blushed. Just then, they heard a knock on the door.

"Tonks, Harry? Is everything ok in there? You've been up here for a long time. Molly has lunch made downstairs." It was Remus.

"Uhh.... We'll be down in a second!" Tonks called back. She jumped up from the floor, already missing Harry by her side, and ran around the room picking up her clothes. Harry sat up slowly and looked around. He got up and began picking up his clothes as well, in much less a rush than Tonks. Harry pulled all his clothes back on as Tonks tried to find the best reflection she could in a rusted and warped old mirror. Harry looked up at her.

"Tonks," he spoke softly. "Was it lust?" he asked her. Tonks turned from the mirror and looked at Harry. She searched her mind for all evidence pointing her either one way or another. After a few short moments that felt like an eternity to Harry, Tonks slowly shook her head.

"Was it for you?" she asked. Harry took considerably less time answering than Tonks had. He shook his head as well. Tonks smiled and walked up to him, kissing him lovingly. "I love you." She whispered. Harry looked Tonks in the eye and whispered back.

"I love you too." Tonks kissed Harry again, then walked towards the door. She turned around and looked at Harry.

"We can't tell anyone. Not just yet. I don't know how they would accept it." Harry agreed and they left the room, keeping a distance between them so as not to raise suspicions. When they reached the kitchen, everyone was already eating. There were only two seats left, side by side. Harry and Tonks both sat down and began eating. Tonks rested on hand on her knee. Harry lowered his arm and gently grasped her hand under the table. Tonks smiled. With much difficulty, they continued the day with little to no contact, leaving Harry feeling very lonely by the time sleep finally took him.


End file.
